I want to do this!

Earn my Masters Degree

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 6 cheers 2018-02-15 17:25:18

    Well.. the thing I knew would happen is in fact happening again.. My visual interpreter is too busy with her own studies to work.
    I'm falling behind in my classes.. Again..
    Friday I had to leave campus early because I couldn't contain my tears, which was frustrating. I'm not usually a crier.
    Monday I got a lot done at home, but couldn't bring myself to go class because I was still crying at random.
    Tuesday was a little better..
    Wednesday I was finally able to pep talk myself to school, which was a very good thing.

    I went to professors' offices, and explained what was going on. They were very understanding, and are working with me on deadlines for assignments/exams.
    That is a huge relief.

    I also had a great meeting with my dean. He had some great input on navigating the psychology field with a visual impairment, and gave me some leads to follow-up on that would strengthen my application. He also described some less visually demanding tasks when it came to being a part of a proffessor's student research team. I know doing research under a professor would increase my odds of acceptance substantially, but I've been apprehensive, so his thoughts were very reassuring.

    Silver linings..

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    • hercat66
      hercat66 2 cheers 2018-02-15 18:03:22

      @wordsncolor The silver linings is what life is about. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your visual interpreter. It's not right and you deserve consistent and dedicated assistance. I'm glad you found the strength to go back to school and speak with your professors' and the dean. You have a very deep strength that I'm not sure you realize you have.

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 1 cheers 2018-02-09 15:05:34

    Attending my first conference was extremely refreshing. I actually felt 'a part of the field' I am going to school for.

    The Dean also wrote me a very thoughtful e-mail. We have a meeting next Wednesday! :-D

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 5 cheers 2018-02-05 03:49:14

    Another cool thing that came out of the Like a Boss luncheon; I now I have childcare, so I can go to 2 conferences being held by my Psy department. :)

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 6 cheers 2018-02-01 04:40:16

    Get the eff outta here! Today I was having a chat with one of my professor's whose research I very much appreciate. He told me the dean of our Psychology department is, wait for it, VISUALLY IMPAIRED! What are the odds???? My professor is going to put us in touch. I kid you not.. Just a few days ago I was anxious because some friends brought to my attention how if there's any hope of my university keeping me on board after my BA (universities rarely keep their own) then I need to get involved with my Psychology department.. They then regaled me on how much the higher-ups in their major adore them. I quietly ate my yogurt wondering what the heck I was going to do, or How on top of everything else already on my plate.
    😮😮😮

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 2 cheers 2018-01-24 00:07:33

    Had the big meeting.. Went about as expected, except the part where the Services for the Blind supervisor pretty much threatened me that if I don't get with the program (They don't care that me having a visual interpreter is more efficient than me floundering with tech) then after I finish my BA they (She) will drop my case- no Masters program 😡 🤐

    I do tire of having to be this dancing monkey jumping through hoops, begging for disability accommodations because it has been made very clear that these accommodations are supposed to make it for people to achieve a C+ GPA and C+ life, not create an equal opportunity to succeed.
    I wish they'd come out and say it though.
    That's what really ticks me off..
    Don't blow smoke up my arse telling me you're here to level the playing field, so I have just as much opportunity as a sighted person to achieve my potential/goals,
    if what they really mean is, "Provide you enough support to get you employed somehow, off SSI"

    Someday I will write my memoirs,
    and they will not be kind.
    😑

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 0 cheers 2018-01-08 21:15:51
    This message has been deleted
    • morningsun
      morningsun 0 cheers 2018-01-08 21:17:22
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      • wordsncolor
        wordsncolor Doing 1 cheers 2018-01-08 23:14:59

        @morningsun Yeah, rough day.. Did have a constructive conversation with my Services for the Blind caseworker, though, which helped my mood somewhat. I just don't understand the source of all these issues. 😞 Bad enough I had to choose between school and my relationship, but when school is this relentless source of problems and stress.. I don't typically drink, but I feel like I should just buy a bottle of wine, and watch Netflix tonight after my daughter goes to bed lol... πŸ˜…

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        • morningsun
          morningsun 1 cheers 2018-01-09 00:59:51

          @wordsncolor It's sometimes like bad things just have to bring their friends of more bad things....

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          • wordsncolor
            wordsncolor Doing 1 cheers 2018-01-09 16:52:33

            @morningsun no joke.. I'm sure someday I will laugh about all this anecdotally, and be glad for the crash course in whatever life lessons I accrue from this wealth of experience, but right now.. I'm cranky.. Tenacious, but cranky

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 7 cheers 2018-01-02 20:05:43

    Good news. My blunt email to both agencies nudged things along. I meet my aide Tuesday. Cheers to hopefully a sucessful quarter. 😆

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 0 cheers 2017-12-29 22:04:08

    Oh.. my %^#%+@ god.. I just got off the phone with my univery's Dusability Resources. Apparently, they can't hire anyone until the meeting with services for the blind, which isn't scheduled until January 23. School starts January 9. I repeat. Oh.. my %*^#%+@ god.. They are putting me right back in the sinking boat again

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  • wordsncolor
    wordsncolor Doing 8 cheers 2017-12-29 05:07:12

    More good news.. Services for the
    Blind reluctantly (at least that's the impression I got) agreed to the visual interpreter accommodations update under the conditions both organizations have a meeting with me, which will resemble a 'no, you flip the bill' tenis game between their agencies, and I'm the ball having to justify my needs, again, and again...

    The stress of all this is exhausting.
    As if school weren't stressful enough,
    as if doing is visually impaired wasn't stressful enough,
    as if doing it as a poor, single parent with near no support network wasn't stressful enough,
    as if floundering with insufficient accommodations hasn't been stressful enough, In a nutshell
    my boyfriend, whom i loved dearly, told me (for reasons too complicated to paraphrase) to choose between settling down with him 1950's style, or pursuing my Masters, and I chose pursuing my Masters.. because... that's what will provide the most solid foundation and future for my daughter..

    😟💔😭
    So.. that's over..
    Life is full of uncertain, hard choices to do the right thing... Forks in the road where you must choose..
    💔💔💔

    I feel like I'm trapped in some rediculous book, but I can't tell if it's an motivational memoir about overcoming the odds, or a tragic comedy riddled with ironies. Heh

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    • morningsun
      morningsun 3 cheers 2017-12-29 05:17:30

      @wordsncolor I think more people than we know feel this way. Life is strange. I hope 2018 will be better for all of us.

      I'm so sorry about your boyfriend.

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      • wordsncolor
        wordsncolor Doing 2 cheers 2017-12-29 05:43:33

        @morningsun Agreed. I guess I've seen too much suffering in the world. It's made me a bit jaded. I lack 'happily ever entitlement ' Makes it difficult to assume it'll all work out. Lol.. But I do still hope I can make it into a life I generally am glad to be living, and be,over in just.. doing the best I can with what I've got.

        The boyfriend thing... yeah.. I'm full of intense thoughts and feelings about that, but also a sort of numbness to cope with the aftermath. Unless something unforeseen happens, I probably won't try dating again for another 6 years. 😞 I just hope in the end all this pain turns out to be worth it.

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        • morningsun
          morningsun 1 cheers 2017-12-29 05:48:23

          @wordsncolor I think one should never assume it'll work out... I have learned it takes hard work. I have decided I'm never dating again....lol...

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        • Airos
          Airos 1 cheers 2017-12-29 11:33:39

          @wordsncolor 6 years, that is very very arbitrary. Although I have been off the market for coming up on 4 years so I get it.

          I think you made the right choice. Masters wins over being a 50's housewife 7 days a week and perhaps twice on Sundays.

          My good friend subscribes way too hard to the 'happily ever after' philosophy and doing so makes her miserable. I say define that in own terms. For me happily ever after has very little to do with other people, aside from my kids.

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          • wordsncolor
            wordsncolor Doing 0 cheers 2017-12-29 14:13:09

            @Airos I'm a nurturing person, so I like 'wife-iness' when i'm in a relationship. I would've been good at home/work life balance superwoman 'stuff' lol. It's just there are several solid reasons why 'dependent housewife' doesn't sound like a good idea for me (understatement), never mind that I've wanted to be a counselor since I was 17 heh. I still feel crushed about it though. He knew going into the relationship what my responsibilities, goals,and game plan was. πŸ’” It's 6 years minimum because I can't afford childcare, and don't want to introduce anymore men into my kiddo's life. (Shrugs) I guess it's for the best. It'll take that long to finish my BA, get my Masters, maybe go traveling with my kiddo for a bit, then get established.

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    • ExplorerSoul
      ExplorerSoul 1 cheers 2017-12-29 08:08:34

      @wordsncolor I'm really sorry for all that is going on. The situation with your boyfriend was just an additional tribulation, I can imagine. I know this may not be helpful or what you want to hear, but in reading your entry, I couldn't help but think that if he was meant to be in your life, he would not have had to give you that choice to make. You have a responsibility to your daughter and it sounds like you made the choice you felt was necessary for her security. It doesn't make it easier nonetheless.

      You're right that so much is uncertain and it can be very difficult to know what the right thing to do is, but try to find comfort in the fact that you made the decision you felt was best.

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      • wordsncolor
        wordsncolor Doing 1 cheers 2017-12-29 14:25:06

        @ExplorerSoul thank you. Yeah, that's exactly what I keep returning to in my mind.. I'm really, really sad, hurt, disappointed, and angry, but more than anything worried how all this will affect my daughter.. she's going to be crushed we can't see him, and his children anymore... so.. there's that.. Life is just.. full of difficult choices. It's true though.. Someone who really loved, valued, and respected me, and cared for my daughter wouldn't ask me to essentially choose what he wants over what's best for my daughter.

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        • ExplorerSoul
          ExplorerSoul 1 cheers 2017-12-29 19:13:32

          @wordsncolor I'm so sorry that this will affect your daughter, too. I don't know how long you had been together or how old your daughter is and if you would consider still allowing her to see him or his children, but I can understand how making that decision knowing she would be affected would have been even more difficult. Stay strong. We're behind you.

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          • wordsncolor
            wordsncolor Doing 1 cheers 2017-12-29 20:30:06

            @ExplorerSoul It's one of those 'lesser of two evils' dilemmas.. I have a twisting knot of internally conflicted anger and sadness in my stomach.. His shortsightedness, and charming ultimatum means now I have to hurt my child to protect my child from a bigger issue that she's too little to understand. Bleh.. I wish I could resolve this like a mother bear and maul him haha

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  • tazzell
    tazzell Doing 5 cheers 2017-12-18 04:11:54

    The dissertation is done. Now to wait to see if I pass.

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